Rock bottom

Ever feel like you're a failure? Like everything you've took pride in being and having is all just fake. Illusion you made up to make you feel better about yourself. Like the person everybody thinks you are, isn't you at all. You start to wonder maybe you've given yourself too much credit all this while.

I've been trying real hard to just locate and identify, the exact moment in time, when everything just spiraled out of control. How I'm slowly losing everyone and everything, including myself. I'm trying to think of the defining action that made all the difference, the one action that put my world upside down.

Maybe it was just waiting to happen. Maybe I had it coming. Me and my oblivion, my ignorance, my never noticing the things and the people around me, until they're not there anymore. Me and my habit of always chasing after the things that I don't have.

I did have it all. And now I feel like I've screwed everything up. It's amazing how much wreckage one person can do to his/her own life. I should know. I'm well on my way there.

lost.

would you accept me for whom i wish to be?

if i wish to be invisible, would you try and find me?
if i wish to be naughty, would you still be my friend?
if i wish to be different, would you still accept me?
if i wish to be a green monster, would you still love me?

im afraid, sometimes very scared, to express how i truly feel. to let the world see the me i see. because she isnt perfect, because she wishes for things that are not meant to be, because she's foolish.

so how am i suppose to feel now? just turn the other cheek and only attend half of me? or just fulfill others' wishes and ignore my wants?

too many questions to answer. yes. but if you will, answer me please?

true heart beat

You girls have someone, where you can share everything include the VERY personal/most privacy one.

A person (at least one, and the minimum is still one) that completed the last piece of you, and both of you are complementary to each other. ONE person, and YOUR person

Both of you are not being secretive. Both of you can tell things. Both of you share the personal and the very privacy.

And the both of you have the same level of chemistry, which is almost perfect to each other.

Although you had chose those pretty ladies to be part of your life and still among the pretty ladies you still have the closest one. ONE that complementary to you. ONE that only understand you. ONE that you can count on. ONE who you'll tell all your top secret.



I . . . .

I . . . .

I . . . .



just dont know who I can turn to because Im not a story teller so I dont know, to whom I can tell my story and my top secret.

I act like I tell MY story, just to catch the attention, and I failed!

and so I just kept it to myself or let the wall do the job! Accidentally it change me to another type of person, which Im more quiet than I was, more acquaintance yet less friend!


I love you gadis. Thank you for being the only friends that I have in the world. I love you.

hope you girls still check this blog.

walaupun blog ni macam ikan yang tak cukup air atau burung yang patah sayap, hope it still continue to be a place for us to share.

i want to propose something.
lets all dress up and go out to dinner or something. semua kena cantik-cantik, pakai make up, heels, and skirts! no pants.

ini sebagai usaha untuk membantu project terbaru yana, transformasi eG ke arah lebih ayu. let me know what you think.

yours truly,
im not yana.